When is it Time to Let Go of a Relationship?
The word “relationship” is loaded. It encompasses not only romantic partnerships, but also friendships, family and sometimes co-workers.
Some relationships are easier to let go of than others. Sometimes the writing on the wall is so clear that the only reasonable choice is to walk away.
But what if the writing on the wall is faded and hard to decipher? What if the writing on the wall has been there for as long as you can remember, and although the wall may look better without the writing on it, the thought of cleaning the wall seems to overwhelming?
In case you missed it, the wall is you and the writing is your relationship.
No matter what type of relationship you are in, whether it be family, friends, partner, etc, there are a few things to think about to decipher whether this relationship is feeding or starving you.
I like metaphors. Have you noticed?
1. You Are Always Apologizing
No matter what you say or do, it is wrong. You are stuck in a situation where you are continuously trying to explain yourself to someone who is committed to misunderstanding you.
If you find yourself having to apologize all the time then you are probably also finding yourself unable to bring your authentic self to the relationship.
2. You Don’t Recognize Yourself
Have you ever looked in the mirror and seen someone different?
Just checking. I haven’t either.
But being in a relationship that feels like you can’t be the you that you want to be can be debilitating.
If you are finding yourself having to change any part of who you are for someone else, it may be time to leave.
3. You Just Aren’t Feelin’ It
Sometimes this one is the hardest because there is no reason to point to that tells you that you should leave.
I have heard a lot of people tell me “but he or she is a good person.”
We all want to be in a relationship with a good person, but just because they are a good person does not make them a good partner.
If your sole reason for staying with someone is because they are a good person, then you might be telling yourself that you should stay because this is the best you can get.
I have been on the receiving end of a broken relationship when I was told that I was a good person but the guy just didn’t feel the feels for me.
It hurts. But what hurts more is settling for something that is good enough instead of really good.
#3 is geared more toward romantic relationships. But the bottom line is that if you know that you are not in love with them, let them go.
4. You Don’t Want to Be Alone
Again, this one speaks more toward romantic relationships.
When I was graduating from college it seemed that everyone was getting married.
For some it was definitely because they found the love of their lives. Many are still married today and are true loves and best friends.
For others, not so much.
Over the years I have realized that a lot of people get married for fear that they never will. So they end up marrying the person that they are dating because it would be too much effort to find someone else.
This can be true for those at 22 as well as those at 55. It is in our human nature to seek connection.
But in that search for connection, we often lose sight of who we are connecting to.
When I was in grad school, a visiting lecturer said this:
Relationships are only as healthy as the people in them.
I love this quote and have used it for all the years since I have heard it.
What it means is that if we are not mentally and emotionally healthy, then we are more likely to attract those who are the same. After all, we get what we feel like we deserve, not what we actually deserve.
My advice? Spend some time appreciating yourself. Discover what you want, value, desire and need. When you don’t require a partner to be happy, you will be more likely to find a partner who will make you happy.
5. When it Feels One-Sided
Whether it be family, friend or partner, if you are in a situation where you don’t feel like you are heard, it may be time to leave.
If whenever there is a disagreement, you find that you are the one that is always being told is in the wrong then you are stuck in the “people being committed to misunderstanding you” category.
If you are always wrong that may be a sign that the relationship itself is wrong. Because come on, you can’t ALWAYS be wrong.
6. You Feel Drained
If being around this person or family sucks the life out of you and you constantly feel like you are being made out to be the perpetrator in situations that you did not create than it may be time to get oyut.
What is happening is that you are being scapegoated. People are usually the scapegoat when the other person or people in the relationship do not want to look inside themselves.
7. Emotional or Physical Abuse
If you are being physically abused, get out. Click here for a link to Michigan’s domestic abuse resources.
Emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse. It is also not as easy to recognize as we often find ourselves justifying it away. Below are some signs that you might be in an emotionally abusive relationship. For a more complete list, click here
- Name Calling
- Character Assassination
So there’s your list of 7 signs that you might need to end your relationship. For more information about this, visit this Psychology Today article.
Article by Monica Pitek-Fugedi, LPC, NCC
Whole Mind Wellness offers online and in-person therapy for adults and couples across the state of Michigan. Visit www.wholemindwellnesspllc.com to set up an appointment or email me at email@example.com